Yesterday Frank, my husband, and I were having a spontaneous date night. (Shout out thank you to his mom for being willing to watch Willow last minute.) After seeing Star Wars, which is a phenomenal film even if you aren’t a huge fan, we decided to go home and chill for a little bit before picking up our little girl. On the way home, we witnessed an accident.
The sun beat upon the windshields blinding drivers. Most people were traveling slower than normal due to the difficult visibility. Frank was keeping a slow and steady pace himself. Upon reaching the turn to go up the street that leads to our house, we stopped. Then the light turned green. There were two cars in front of us. The woman two cars ahead slowly accelerated. She was half-way through the intersection.
The cross road had a red light. As I said, the sun glare was really bad. It must have been miserable for the woman in a black sedan looking vehicle. She barreled through the light, smashing into the back of the SUV that had been two cars in front of us. The SUV spun out and bounced up onto the curb.
[Nobody died. Nobody was seriously injured. Everyone was shaken.]
We drove through the light when it turned green again, turned into the muddy, grass field the SUV driver had spun into. Being witnesses, we stayed until the police arrived. We gave a statement about what we saw. I asked if anyone needed prayer, they denied. I silently whispered peace, financial stability, and forgiveness requests to our Protector.
After our statement, we got into our vehicle and drove home. Frank and I sat in the driveway for a minute. We were stunned. I broke the silence, “I feel guilty. I thought, “Thank you God that wasn’t us.” Is that okay?” Frank said he thought so. I know that it is, but a part of me still feels a surge of regret every time I utter those words. God protected me and my husband. Why us and not them?
I know I should be grateful for his provision and protection. I shouldn’t feel guilty. God has different plans for all of us. The woman was crying hysterically though and unable to calm down. I wondered if my faith would carry me better through that. I wondered if I could take the pain better and if so, why not me instead of her?
What-if scenarios are horrible. I do them all the time though. It’s like I don’t trust God’s omnipotence and omniscience to carry out things the way they are meant to be. I always second guess things. Why? Can’t I see that God has led me into this beautiful, complex, and adventurous life (even if I call it dull at times, it is anything but dull)? (I’m questioning my grammar in the previous sentence.)
One day I’ll learn to be grateful for his blessings to me. I hope to stop thinking I deserve misfortune and rather be joyous for what he has given me. I want to stop complaining for what he hasn’t given me. Then lastly, I want to pray others find the peace which surpasses all understanding, to trust what God is doing in their lives is for their best and his glory. (May I learn that too. Please pray that for me.)
His protection is good and may we not think we should suffer so another doesn’t have to. We each have the lessons God wants us to learn. Each of us has the load we need to carry. God has equipped us with particular talents and may we not spite those talents, be they blessings or burdens. He has given them to us, not another. He’s looking at how we get a return on those investments (Matt. 25:14-30). As such, may we seek how to glorify God in the circumstances he puts us in. If we wish it was different, we will end up depreciating the life he has given us and waste away in regret.