Masking Injustice: Scales

I feel stuck.  Professionally stuck.

“Work as if you are working for the Lord.”  I notice so many individuals who say this are in fields that they enjoy.  Yes, I know in principle I should live all aspects of my life as I am essentially doing them for God.  However, is it wrong to want to thrive at work?  Is it wrong that I’d like to feel valued, innovative, challenged, and inspiring at work?

I know it is possible to be “cutting edge” when you start your own business.  I have and am trying to start my own business but I feel inept at this.  I’d like to work for an established company where training is done in person and then I can work from home while watching my daughter.

I recently started as a consultant for Usborne books.  It is a great company and I’m extremely passionate about education and empowering individuals.  At the same time, I’m not great at selling to friends, family, or strangers.  I’m comfortable selling products to a corporation or organization but not individuals.  I guess I don’t like feeling like I’m using friendships as contacts.  I don’t want my relationships to be about personal financial gain.

How, then, do I promote a business like this and succeed in it without objectifying my relationships?

I know there are companies with more recognized names, but I don’t want to promote weight loss or beauty products.  Our country is too obsessed with body image.  I struggled for years with body image.  When you deal for years battling bulimia, the last thing you want to sell is something that tells people they need to work out, drink/eat a diet item, or plaster make-up.  Can we remove our masks and be authentic?

I enjoy Halloween and I realize I’m a little scattered in my thought processes right now.

I want authenticity.  I want community.  I want vulnerable relationships; as much as I can cringe at that thought because then I’d have to be vulnerable too and that means I might get hurt.

I got into Usborne hoping that I could establish a business where I would be able to stay home with my daughter.  I would also be promoting something valuable like education rather than “health” vanity (does that even make sense).  I could impart value into Willow and not leave her in other people’s care.  (I know she is loved by her other providers, but it isn’t me and they don’t do things my way.  I have to let go of my controlling nature I guess.  I’d just like her home with one of her parents even if it isn’t me.)

Anyways, I keep feeling like a failure.  I am passionate, but feel overwhelmed when I read the volumes of material needed to work this business. I keep looking at friends who’ve made the weight loss or make up markets successful.  I could get their guidance and training, but I refuse to sell those products because I know my addictive behavior.  I struggle with approval addiction.  Is marketing not working for me in this independent sector because God has a fulfilling field that isn’t so tempting to my addiction? If so, what and when?  I’m feeling so lost, confused, and frustrated with my professional life.

Oh God grant peace, guidance, assurance, and acceptance of your truth over man’s ideals of success and beauty.  Remove my mask, flood me with your presence, and may I shine for you, your kingdom, and a purpose far greater than multi-level marketing.

(At the same time, help me discern what field I am called to, what being called looks like, and to have peace knowing I am in your will.)


2 Replies to “Masking Injustice: Scales”

  1. I’m right there with you and I think you know that. I had a melt-down on Monday night (blog forthcoming on that) about my job frustrations. And I feel the same way about the at-home business, because I’m considering starting one of those too and I’m scared and hesitant yes, to ask my family and friends to buy a product, but I also want to make some changes and that’s the best way I can figure out how right now. Small steps are better than no steps, because no steps mean I’m about one month from complete and total meltdown instead of a simple Monday night meltdown.

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