Passions: God, family, travel, writing, women empowerment, birth, ministry
Daily, I transfer samples from vials or bags into a quartz tube, add acid, heat it, transfer to a plastic tube, place them in an autosampler rack, press analyze, and wait until an instrument outputs data specifying the quantity of metal in a particular substance. It is pretty monotonous. There is little interaction with others unless you want a conversation by the water cooler or an issue arises. It is largely independent work. (This is treacherous for an extrovert like me.) Most samples are white powders and you don’t know what it is being used for. Often I feel I’m in an orb of mindless, repetitive trivialities. I feel like a drone.
Is there more than this? I can be a witness for God anywhere…am I just dissatisfied because I’m not making the most of this opportunity? Is it wrong for me to want fulfillment in my job? I try pursuing travel writing and no fruit comes from it (I have two followers on wordpress…my husband and a dear friend). Does God want me pursuing this avenue? If not, what? Am I just not content because I’m not simply resting and being in his presence?
The question reel plays continuously in my mind. I often wonder why I’ve been stuck in this career path. I can’t seem to escape lab work. Friends of mine went to college and pursued paths completely unrelated to their degree. I followed the typical journey. My career is what I majored in at college.
Outside of work, I enjoy my life. I have the most adorable baby with a personality that most parents covet (yeah…I am boasting a bit, forgive me) and the world’s most supportive, handsome, and caring (at least when it comes to immediate family) husband. We have a quaint home on a quiet street minutes from a lake. By working, we’ve been able to take vacations and travel—a privilege not many are able to do. Yet even this is the typical American Dream.
I don’t want the American Dream though. I want something bigger. I want to be used by God for God. Does God’s dream for my life align with the American Dream though, so long as money doesn’t become an idol?
I’ve thought about switching careers. Switching careers might mean more schooling, which means more money being spent. I desire to be home with my daughter, raising her the way I want to though. What then would be the purpose of more formal education? How can I potentially wind up in the health care profession caring for women in countries where maternal care isn’t readily available (which would require research, writing, ministry, and travel with my family)? Can I possibly work from home by travel writing, if so and this is something God doesn’t mind me pursing (which I have a hard time believing it isn’t because it isn’t explicitly forbidden in Scripture), how do I even begin to earn supplemental income from it?
I’m empty…wanting to be filled by him for him and confused as to how that looks.