I just read a blog post about sex over on Shegznstuff.
Pastor Segun Aiyegbusi does a great job of emphasizing the need for a husband to speak to a woman’s heart to make sex satisfying in a marriage. The twisted, tantric antics of Christian Grey applied to your marriage bed will not lead to God-glorifying, mutually fulfilling intimacy. (Well that’s what I gathered in a nut shell.)
I have never read 50 Shades of Grey. Two years ago I didn’t even know the book existed. I don’t plan on reading it. My refrain from such literature is not stemming from the fact that I’m an evangelical Christian. Most of my friends know that I do not shy away from open discussions about sex. I think talking about sex, especially in church, is important.
In churches today we are too hushed. We have a tendency to speak about sex in hushed tones—so as not to stir the loins of the unwed. The church seems to have its longest dos and don’ts list when it comes to sex. Yes, God meant for it to be an intimate experience. Telling singles to wait and that it’ll be amazing eventually doesn’t help when you are horny. We need practical means to maintain purity. Also, purity is much more than needing to emphasize chastity until a ringed finger opens up the permissible sheet hunt.
Also, yes I know God has a plan for sex. It is about being intimate. The less I focus on satisfying my needs and wanting to please my husband the more I might enjoy it. If I’m honest though, I have great communication with my spouse. We are intimate and our marriage has evolved over the past four years. Our intimacy goes beyond sex. At times though, I just want to feel intense pleasure. Sometimes sex can get too routine. A switch in position might just turn me on more. Is it selfish to want an orgasm? Men get one whenever they release. Why shouldn’t I be privileged to such relief as well?
I’m a woman. Men aren’t the only ones yearning for sex. Yes I want to be romanced before a romp, but there are moments when I’m in heat more than my husband. I’m visual too. Men aren’t the only ones who can get turned on by the sight of a beautiful woman. My husband’s body turns me on. I can just see his chiseled chest (which okay probably looks more chiseled to me than it would to the world, but what can I say, I personally think I’m married to a hot man and when I see his chest, I see chiseled muscles beckoning me to be embraced) and want to wrestle at times.
Women are sexual beings too. Yes we tend to be more emotional, but we can be basal as well. Sometimes our desire is as simple as getting down and dirty.
From what I understand more women want to read 50 Shades of Grey than men. Women want intense passion too. Now I’ve gathered that the way this book addresses that intense passion could borderline on abuse. A husband does need to be gentle with his wife. (I also know that this book isn’t portraying a marriage relationship.)
Since I don’t know much about the book and, don’t really care to know, maybe I shouldn’t be assuming its target goal. Perhaps I shouldn’t be writing a post about about a book I haven’t perused and researched.
I am a married woman though and I guess I understand the temptation to read literature that perks curiosity. While I’d advise not engaging in S&M behavior because it does emphasize personal rather than mutual pleasure, I can see why women want to spice things up. It’s harder for us to achieve orgasms. Sometimes we think position changes, props, or costumes might help us achieve the level of ecstasy that men seem to so easily obtain.
I am a woman. I am a sexual being too. I am more than just my desire for sex though. Sometimes my bedroom is a bit mundane and dull. However, I’m discovering sexual intimacy deeper each day with a man who has never been anything but attentive and gentle to me. Love isn’t just about nakedness rubbing.
God’s justice for the bedroom is creating an intimacy that extends beyond physical petting. His justice lies in the fact that marriage is a covenant meant to show his personal desire for the church. (FYI, I find SOS to be speaking more literally of a man and woman rather than the figurative language of God and the church. Again, the church can sometimes be too sensitive about a topic to its own detriment.)
So I realized I’ve rambled a lot through this post. It isn’t really coherent. There isn’t a concise conclusion.
Should we fault someone for watching or reading 50 Shades of Grey? I don’t know. Judgment is reserved for God. I think sometimes we can judge the things of this world and lean towards extreme piety. However, I understand we need to be in the world and not of it. Should we advise others to tread through this book and watching this movie with caution? Perhaps. Humanity has more going for it than sex. Yes we are sexual creatures, but we are more than that.
I guess what I draw from the debate about this movie’s debut rests in humanity’s fulfillment chase. Our pursuits in life shouldn’t just be for sexual pleasure. If we deduce life down to mere sexual delight we will have overcast lives and not just grey stained bedroom walls; humanity’s joy will be bleak too. Life will be deprived of love’s truest vibrancy. Sex must be an aspect of life, not the sum of it. We must tread carefully when reading or watching anything that draws a bigger emphasis to sex or basal desires than it is meant to have in the totality of our lives. (Even though we will have basal urges and there is nothing wrong with that when exercised in the sanctity of marriage.)