Life on the Run

I was reading a recent blog post on bemytravelmuse.com.

Kristin shares information about being a solo traveler.  This post discussed her thoughts on whether happiness was truly happiness when shared.  Essentially, she said that she wonders if traveling the world has decreased happiness because she hasn’t forged community.  She leaves.

I thought of my own desire to travel.  Would I be lost if I pursued a life of wandering?  Do I make nomadic life fantasy because I haven’t experienced it?  I moved around a lot as a kid.  However, I was never vulnerable.  I could morph into somebody else when I moved and dissolve the friendships I thought too imposing.

I’ve been in NJ for years now.  I married a man who hasn’t resided beyond a 20 mile radius of his boyhood home.  I’ve had friendships that last longer than 3 years now.  I’m in community.  I frustrate people.  I encourage people.  Community is nice, however I always get the sense that I don’t truly belong.  Am I supposed to though? Would traveling or residing elsewhere change that?  I’m a Christian so I’m never truly home until the gates open and I’m ushered into heaven, right?

Individuals tell me that kids need stability, they need familiarity.  Is this why Army “brats” are so rebellious?  Would I compromise my kid’s emotional growth if Frank and I decided to be nomadic?

Reading that post caused me to question my desire to leave NJ.  When do we find contentment?  I think it is in knowing God’s will for us, but then again how do I know what his will is exactly?

Lately, I have more questions about what lies ahead and maybe there is a beauty in that mystery.  Perhaps I’m not supposed to know whether I’d be wrought with angst if I traveled the world rather than settled here in my husband’s domain.  I’m just supposed to live in the present, being a gift to those around me by spreading the fragrance of Christ where he has me rather than what could be.

The grass is greener on the other side?  Maybe it is more along the lines of what I’ve heard recently—the grass is greener where you fertilize the soil.

It’s time to stop pondering and start planting and trusting God in the uncertain curves that lie ahead.

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One Reply to “Life on the Run”

  1. I’ve thought about these same things. I’ve always had a sense of waiting in my life, like I’m always expectant about the next step. Feeling rooted and permanent is something that really escapes me most of the time, which is a little odd considering I have lived in NJ most of my life. I think that’s why I make travel such an important part of my identity and my life, because I feel like I’m supposed to be moving and exploring and wandering. Buying our house was a big step in some ways because it did root us. We stopped talking so much about moving to California wine country or abroad. We still muse about it now and then, but we have a space now with a foundation (literally). On the other hand, buying our house also felt like a great next step, so that we could host out friends and families. I guess there’s two sides to everything. I still feel like I’m waiting for whatever is next and it does make me antsy, but I am beginning to feel comfortable with that too, because I think it reminds me of the temporariness of our lives and keeps me from holding on too tightly to things that I might not or should not keep.

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