I was reading a recent blog post on bemytravelmuse.com.
Kristin shares information about being a solo traveler. This post discussed her thoughts on whether happiness was truly happiness when shared. Essentially, she said that she wonders if traveling the world has decreased happiness because she hasn’t forged community. She leaves.
I thought of my own desire to travel. Would I be lost if I pursued a life of wandering? Do I make nomadic life fantasy because I haven’t experienced it? I moved around a lot as a kid. However, I was never vulnerable. I could morph into somebody else when I moved and dissolve the friendships I thought too imposing.
I’ve been in NJ for years now. I married a man who hasn’t resided beyond a 20 mile radius of his boyhood home. I’ve had friendships that last longer than 3 years now. I’m in community. I frustrate people. I encourage people. Community is nice, however I always get the sense that I don’t truly belong. Am I supposed to though? Would traveling or residing elsewhere change that? I’m a Christian so I’m never truly home until the gates open and I’m ushered into heaven, right?
Individuals tell me that kids need stability, they need familiarity. Is this why Army “brats” are so rebellious? Would I compromise my kid’s emotional growth if Frank and I decided to be nomadic?
Reading that post caused me to question my desire to leave NJ. When do we find contentment? I think it is in knowing God’s will for us, but then again how do I know what his will is exactly?
Lately, I have more questions about what lies ahead and maybe there is a beauty in that mystery. Perhaps I’m not supposed to know whether I’d be wrought with angst if I traveled the world rather than settled here in my husband’s domain. I’m just supposed to live in the present, being a gift to those around me by spreading the fragrance of Christ where he has me rather than what could be.
The grass is greener on the other side? Maybe it is more along the lines of what I’ve heard recently—the grass is greener where you fertilize the soil.
It’s time to stop pondering and start planting and trusting God in the uncertain curves that lie ahead.