The Comfort of Home

Last night we had an appointment with our midwife.

I’m adamant about wanting an un-medicated birth unless absolutely necessary. I much prefer the midwifery model of care to the medical model. I was under the impression that hospitals dictated the care. I wanted to be able to state my preferences and have my birth plan implemented.

I learned that it’ll be significantly cheaper for us to have a birth at Morristown Hospital than it will be to have a homebirth. I can still have my midwife and she’ll be my advocate. Apparently we’ll be charged 6k for a homebirth even if I have to transfer to a hospital in the event of an emergency transfer. We’ll still have to pay 6k if Tricare doesn’t cover the birth. However, if we did it through the hospital, the midwives will accept whatever Tricare gives as payment and we won’t be billed further.

I don’t have an issue with hospitals per se. I actually quite enjoy them. I’ve been in them so often that I’m not uncomfortable. I build a rapport with the staff and try to take things enthusiastically. However, I often see hospitals as something I should go to if I’m ill or in need of emergency care.

Wasn’t I designed to do this?

I’ve already been concerned about finances. It looks like Morristown will be cheaper. I perused their website and ensured that their birth philosophy aligned with mine. Apparently it is the care professionals there that determine the care and interventions, not the hospital itself. The midwives of NJ apparently have a pretty big voice at that hospital.

There are no birth centers in NJ. This should change. From the website however, it appears that Morristown is like a birth center.

If I can get the same care I would at home for cheaper at Morristown than this is perhaps the route I should go. I’m divided though. Somehow I feel like I am saying that there will be an emergency, I’m going to have to rely on interventions. I’m afraid that I’ll reach for the medicine more readily because it’s more accessible at a hospital. I’m torn.

Frank and I have a lot to discuss and pray about. Also, we don’t really have a home yet. We have an apartment and a home purchase is making me panic and I feel pressure to buy a house already since we contacted a realtor two years ago or so now and I feel like I’ve been wasting her time. We need two bedrooms eventually, why not now? I didn’t want to settle in NJ but that’s what looks like is happening.

I want to be a stay at home mom. Maybe that’s a part of why a homebirth appeals to me—it looks like I can’t stay home full time so why not bring my child into the world at home, to get a taste of an aspiration that seems unattainable. Jersey is just so dang expensive and I’ve given permission for Frank to look across the US for a job and he gets one here. I’ll be thankful for the support that we have here, but at the cost of wanting a certain lifestyle I wanted for myself and my children.

I’ve got to learn to be thankful and content. Sometimes it is easier said than done.


2 Replies to “The Comfort of Home”

  1. This is what I often say to Chad, and myself honestly, when we’re wrestling with touch decisions: there’s no right or wrong, not really. Whatever you and Frank decide for your labor and birth will be fine, so try not to stress it too much. Going to the hospital doesn’t mean emergency. And if your midwife and Frank know how strongly you feel about medication, then they can help you be strong when it seems like you might change your mind. And really, even if you do change your mind and get meds, that’s okay too. Medicine or no medicine? Hospital or home birth? I think all those decisions will be small potatoes to actually holding that baby in your arms.

    And I wanted to share this post with you. Sarah Bessey is also pregnant and her words made me think of you:

  2. Thanks for leaving empowering words Jamie.
    Also, I really appreciated the link. I teared up at her comment that she held her miscarried children in folded up tea rags. That she couldn’t forget about them. That’s why when people ask how many kids we have I always want to say two. How can I not count that one prior since in it I instilled so many hopes and dreams. I know many women have had miscarriages, but to me that was my first kid and it hurt to let go. I feel guilt that I’m not as excited because I carry so many fears and concerns. I know I need to trust God in this whirlwind and he’ll guide me, no decision is as complicated as I’m making it, but sometimes I just get caught up in the worry because then I might actually have to deal with the situation and trust God to work it out. Thanks for telling me that it is all okay and that whatever decision is made that’s the one that was needed at the moment.

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