We went to an appointment yesterday and found out that we could be further along or not as far along in this pregnancy as originally thought. I was supposed to get an ultrasound in my first trimester but one of the midwives, the one I saw last time, never ordered a test to determine the due date.
Life feels like it is in constant flux these days. I know the kid will arrive when he or she wants to, but a part of me would like something to feel a little more concrete these days. I’ve had a slew of worries, concerns, and fears that all stem from lack of trust and uncertain circumstances/issues.
The issue with my friend remains unresolved, not for my lack of trying. Frank is starting a new job that could go well or poorly, we pray for the prior. I’d like to stay home but NJ cost of living will cause me to work at least some.
It isn’t that I don’t like to work. I enjoy creative outlets like photography, writing, event planning, etc. I’m just not so good at the introverted daily grind of detecting trace metals in pharmaceuticals.
I’m planning for an un-medicated birth. I don’t like to numb myself, unless feeling deathly ill with a cold, with medicine. Why do I then work for big pharma? Am I just not trusting God enough with finances to pursue that which I’d enjoy doing? I’m here for a reason, what?
In a flurry of confusion it would be nice to have a better estimate regarding the little one’s arrival. Then again, this is just another timing issue I need to trust God with perhaps…