I’m not posting to Facebook quite yet.
My readership is small here so I’m announcing it: I am 14 weeks (or thereabouts) along. The threads of fear that I’ve been posting were due to me wrestling with the upcoming arrival of our little one. I hadn’t dealt with these before and as I watched the words “PREGNANT” scroll across the digital read out I must admit I panicked. I was scared the first time around too, but this time all my fears of miscarriage played into more panic.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. It was surreal. Now as it happens and the day approaches I’m nervous. There, I confessed, me the girl who feels she was destined to be a mom, that I am worried about this thing called pregnancy and motherhood. So far I dislike the changes my body is undergoing and I’ve had to stop a lot of activities because I just don’t have energy. That is hard for me to do as I hate being a home body. I’ve told Frank that the rest of our kids will come from someone else’s body through adoption. I still want 5 kids, I’m just not so sure I want them coming from me now. Also, we’ll see how many kids I want after the first one. I can’t believe I’m admitting that! I’ve always thought I’d have a big family. I guess realities are different than dreams.
There you have it though: I’m expecting. That’s also why I haven’t been as consistent in my posting as I’d like. I’m too tired some days. Please excuse me from not keeping up as much as I’d like.