Yearning admist Clashes over Property

The strip is bombarded,
Stripping humanity’s integrity as bombs burst in the air.
Parts of beloved family members are scattered,
dismembered from the crossfires of war.
Body parts litter the soil,
dust of exploded bones crunching under soldiers’ boots.
These treasured folks all too quickly forgotten because of hate’s wages.

Why do we have the desire to birth offspring into a world with such decay, hostility, and battles? Wouldn’t the safest place be to keep the DNA halves locked inside the separate portions of Mom and Dad? I must admit that when the second blue line appeared in the window I felt a slew of emotions I didn’t expect to. I had always thought I’d be giddy with joy (and I was) but I felt a tinge of fear.

You wonder about how you’ll provide for the child, the impact it’ll have on all aspects of your life—especially as a couple and your sleep patterns, and you question how this wonder will be protected from evil and hurt. Then the news headlines cause you to fret even more. Christ says that his yoke is easy and his burden light, that those who are weary should come to him. We are also told that we can’t add hours to our lives by worrying. No matter how hard I try to trust and come to his reassuring Word I can’t seem to kick this nasty worrying habit.

I’m surrounded (although by distance, thankfully) by gunshots and blood spurts, crying relations and flag draped coffins. I fear death. I don’t fear my own though, strangely enough. I fear the loss of those closest to me, most importantly my beloved husband Frank. (We’ve agreed I’m supposed to die first—long story and I’ll engage you in that conversation if you’d like to hear it at some point, probably not here.) I fear for those left behind, especially me. (Is that selfish? Probably.) How do you forge ahead when they’ve helped define your past. Who will you be now? This life thing is delicate and infancy even more fragile.

Why would we want to bring such innocence into harsh reality? Why, even now with Ukraine and Gaza blasted to pieces, would I want to introduce a newborn into such a place as this?

I don’t know at all but the yearning’s still there.

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2 Replies to “Yearning admist Clashes over Property”

  1. Kelly, I so relate to this one! I am such a worry-er and it drives Chad crazy. We’ve also agreed that I go first, but I know that our agreement did not take any of God’s plans into account, and in the end, he’s the one who decides who goes first and when. I don’t want to be left here without my loved ones, especially Chad. And I’ve contemplated the same things when thinking about whether Chad and I want to have kids or not: is this really a world I want to bring kids into? It’s so dangerous and there’s so much hate. Plus, children would be MORE lives for me to worry about constantly. Not worrying about my loved ones is my biggest struggle with faith, because I know I should just trust their lives to God, but it’s so hard!

  2. It drives Frank crazy that I worry too. Yeah, that’s what scares me is the uncertainty of God’s timing on who goes first and when. I also agree about the more lives to worry about constantly deal. It starts even in pregnancy with questions like “will this pregnancy keep or fail?” Sigh…I know all too well that balance of worry. Then you are scared to get pregnant ever again because you wonder if you’ll be able to keep that one and infertility is easier to cope with than miscarriage (to an extent, each has its own cons). It is so hard and I’m relieved I’m not the only one who feels this!

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