Abroad

I’m not exactly sure when the travel bug infected me; it was definitely a young age.  I am sure that travel soothes me though.  We can’t afford to travel as much as I’d like to.  “Ah, to be independently wealthy,” as Frank says. I don’t love money, I love travel and unfortunately you need one to do the other.  Perhaps that’s why I want to be an Army wife of an active duty soldier.  I could travel without going broke.

Sidebar:  Active duty does not mean deployed.  (A little bit of a pet peeve, but if you aren’t in the military or have a soldier in your family, it’s understandable that you might not understand the difference.)  Active duty simply means that an Army mechanic (since that’s his MOS; read more about Army job descriptions online as not everyone is infantry) would be Frank’s full time job rather than the 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year reserves requirement he has currently.

Anyways, the reason I introduced the post this way was to tell you some even more exciting travel tidbits (which I already shared on Facebook, but they are so good I felt I needed to share them here too).  If you register on National Geographic for their Cat1 with porthole room, you can travel to Antarctica from Argentina for $12,350.  Of course airfare to Argentina would be a pretty penny too so you’d have to factor in another $3000 or so.  Yet that’s still only $15,350 closer to completing my bucket list.

Many have a bucket list comprised of get married, have kids, and find my dream job.  The Christian’s is typically all that and preaching the gospel.  I am married.  We’ve been working on trying to have kids.  That’s one reason I started this blog- to work through the grieving process of my miscarriage. Frank is working his dream job (carpenter and soldier).  My dream job would be to pair my photography and writing (both of which I should take classes in to hone my skills) and make cards, sort of like a poorer version of Hallmark with more of the gospel message. I guess it’d be like borrowing DaySpring’s idea actually.  Yeah, like I said in my first post this is a recycled dream from a previous individual of excellence.  However, it would be the gospel shared through me and so long as I do kingdom work my life is not spent in vain.  Anyways, my bucket list also includes visiting every state in the US and every continent including Antarctica.

As I said before, travel soothes me.  Checking off my travel itinerary somehow makes me think the miscarriage will be a memory of distant past if only I can take these trips.  I know that isn’t true.  God wants me to deal with the emotions in this miscarriage now.  I’m numb though.  I’ve been praying but it feels route.  Travel ignites my soul.  It can be therapeutic and in itself is quite alright.  However, when I somehow I think these visits will replenish me and make it so I can pray again rather than surrendering to him, I sin.  I’ll only find everlasting comfort in his presence.  He’s too honest and real for me right now though.  He shows me my toxic habits that might have hindered carrying a child, let alone raising one.  Yet, I need to surrender these things to him. I’m numb and in holding back I think I’m preserving my only sense of feeling.  I know that isn’t true.  Recently though, I feel like my faith has just been about going through the motions.  He wants me to find contentment here and deal on the struggle now.  Treading abroad won’t bring the remedy, but I’d like to fool myself into thinking it.

In time I won’t feel vacant.  His Spirit dwells within.  I know that soon enough he’ll break me and he’ll use this sorrow for his glory.  For that cause, it would be a joyful sorrow.

If I could be so daring, perhaps he’ll let me share the gospel with event-oriented people not often found in the US, let alone New Jersey.  Yet, it’s when and where we think we can’t be used that his light shines ever brighter.

…I’m not leaving New Jersey soon like I had hoped…*unwarranted grumble; lightening strikes to bring humility*

The true test is to find contentment where we are and share the good news regardless of our circumstances.

 

 

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